Friday, July 16
okay i've changed my mind. again. yes yes i know i'm fickle, live with it. i'm off the eat-as-little-as-possible-and-hope-i-don't-collapse diet. now i'm on the moderation diet. haha. life is for the living larh.. might as well enjoy it a bit. since nothing else seems to be worth enjoying. it's school school school more school a bit more school.. yes you get it. and everything seems to be fried in school. tskk. peaches are yummy.
mids sucked. it is now confirmed. thinking about my results makes me feel depressed so i shan't elaborate. let's just say i'm dumb okay.. and leave it at that. i never appreciated my ss teacher as much as i did yesterday when he turned off the ohp and said something to the effect of 'those marks are history'. my gosh we were so touched. the other teacher just kept yelling at us, yelling, yelling and more yelling. and we saw the breakdown of marks.. and were just getting so demoralised when our other teacher turned it off. that was nice. a bit dramatic, but well we all need a little drama now and then.
speech day pract is boring. a lot of singing. a bit of clapping. and i realise i cannot bow nicely. i automatically hold back my tie. well i wasn't trained to bow! ppl won't notice anyway. i think i can learn to like doing hwk. i'm brainwashing myself. i love hwk. i love studying. i love seeing the long row of a1s i must achieve on a worthless scrap of paper.
i love me. *hugs myself* today was a bad day but things will get better. yes no maybe so.
i hate myself sometimes. til i look at others. some are better off. some aren't. then i realise i'm nothing but one of the multitudes of droplets falling from a cloud. just one droplet. in the sheets of rain, endless rain, pouring down from above. and i realise. i'm nothing. yet collectively.. those same sheets of rain streaming down can keep a plant alive. keep the cycle going. maybe i am worth something, afterall. maybe.
- happy families are all alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. - [anna karenina, tolstoy]
it must've been love.
9:27 pm
xoxo
